Well this started out as an email to a friend of mine, because he was the first person who suggested Ubuntu to me, so I wanted to show off my new amazing (random) computer setup. However, I happened across my old blog this morning and decided that a year and a half was the perfect amount of time between blog posts, as I think any other social media expert would agree. I also noticed that I have started two separate blog “series” in the past, and never once finished one… so this blog is officially part one… of a one-part series! So if you’re reading this… then I’ve done it!
Also, I wanted to point out that the banana nut bread on my desk is from an organization called Victory Family Center, that comes around the office once a month selling banana nut bread. I only point this out because it’s funny to me that on their website, they have a picture of bananas, and bread, showing that together, they equal Changed Lives. I noticed that they left out the “nut” part of the equation, and they always simply call it “banana bread”… but I like to think that they are like me, and they just like to undersell, and then overperform.
So anyway, the above picture shows my latest random desk arrangement at the office. It originally came about because my little apple adapter for the second monitor was constantly losing picture quality, and finally just wouldn’t work from time to time. So I was able to get my old computer working with a free operating system called Ubuntu, and hooked up two monitors and arranged them around the outsides of my iMac, which is running windows. Are you confused yet? Some of you aren’t, but I quickly realized that it gets confusing when you’re rolling along and you grab the wrong mouse, or start typing on the wrong keyboard, and then switch both and one is still wrong. THEN, the white apple keyboard/mouse combo uses bluetooth to connect to the iMac, and the other set uses RF, which is apparently what my wireless headset uses, so whenever I’m listening to anything on either computer, that keyboard and that mouse just start freaking out! SO, even when I’m using the right keyboard, sometimes it isn’t responding right away, so I THINK I’m using the wrong one, so I switch to the actual wrong one, and… well it’s really not that confusing, but it’s distracting! PLUS, I try about 30 times a day to drag one of my windows from the iMac to the other monitors because that’s what I’m used to, but obviously I cannot! So anyway, if anyone knows of a good wireless KVM switch, or some other solution that would solve every problem… let me know!
In any case, it’s cool looking and I feel like I have built a fort out of functioning monitors, but mainly it’s cool looking. Which, I think we can all agree is the most important thing in life.
Well I definitely got more response in the comments and in text messages than I was expecting so I took time out of my busy schedule to post part 2. You’re Welcome. (Ok I write that part two days ago when I started this blog… but you’re still welcome) So anyway, now that you know what the official plan was, here is the story of what actually went down Saturday:
First, Jennifer’s step-brother Shawn and his girlfriend Rachael came to visit for the day on Saturday. Shawn and I were going to play golf if the weather allowed, and Jennifer and Rachael were going to go do girly things no doubt, but it didn’t really matter because we had all day to do whatever we wanted, until 5:30 of course. So sometime during the day, Jennifer got an email about a showing on one of her other listings, which she proceeded to schedule for 4:30 that afternoon. So I thought, even better, she will leave at 4:30 to go show, which gives me plenty of time to leave without needing to make up an excuse! So just after 4:00, Jennifer left her house to go to the first appointment, and I sat there with Shawn and Rachael with about 30 minutes to spare before I needed to leave. Everything was lining up perfectly, and my brilliant planning skills were going to go off without a hitch!
We immediately ran into a hitch.
After about ten minutes, Jennifer surprised us all by walking back into her house, and informing us that her clients had called, and they were running about an hour late…. (Hitch!) Then she just sat down on the couch and started playing Mario Cart like she didn’t have a care in the world. So I was thinking, it’s ok, she will just go to that appointment late, and be a little late to Becky’s (my) appointment, and the plan can go on as… planned? That is, if she does still go to the other appointment first, and saves mine for last. So after a while I was starting to feel a little frustrated that she was so unconcerned that her appointments were overlapping, so I very casually brought up the point to her (trust me it was all kinds of casual) and apparently she had been thinking about this, and had decided that she was going to go to Becky’s appointment first. Oh great! So you’re leaving any minute, for Becky’s appointment no less, which means I need to hurry up and leave 20 MINUTES AGO!
So the panic set in, and more of the anger, and I pretty much had no choice but to make up some excuse to leave and shoot out of there. So I drove at a very unsafe speed through April Sound to my condo to pick up the ring and meet Eric so we could get back out of the subdivision before Jennifer left. However, everytime I try to call and text message Eric (about 10 times) my phone just gives me an error or sits there like an idiot and does nothing. So I restarted it, which seemed to take forever (All of this while weaving and bobbing through old people across the subdivision) and I finally was able to call Eric when I was pulling into my parking spot. So I spout of some frantic gibberish that sounded like “GET-OVER-HERE-OH-NO!!” while I ran full speed around my giant bushes on the wet limestone, and into the condo. I grabbed the ring out of the top of my closet, the bottle of champagne and stash of champaign glasses, and ran back outside… again with the limestone but with more important things in my hands now so I can’t slip and fall and throw everything in every direction. So luckily Eric got the message from my foreign fast talking to jump in his truck and be screeching up right when I came running back out. So I jump in and we are off to the races… although, he pretty much drove about 30 mph slower than I had been previously driving, but I wasn’t going to complain.
So the I decided the first priority was to figure out if Jennifer was going to beat us out of the subdivision, so I called with some excuse about leaving my wallet at her house or something, and found out that she was just leaving. Phew! So at that point I knew we had about a 5 minute head start on her, which wasn’t ideal, but it would be enough… or WOULD IT! (Hint: no) So before we hang up she starts asking me which appointment I thought she should go to, and I gave it half a second of thought before saying something like “Listen! if those people are an hour late, and you have another appointment by the time they finally get here that is their fault!” Which should have seemed about 100 times more concerned than I would normally be about some appointment… but she never seemed to ask “Why are you screeching the answer at me?”
Anyway, so from there on everything went smoothly and as planned thanks to my… NOT! Are you serious? Don’t you even see how much longer this post is from this point? Speaking of which…
Things get even worse now.
So yeah, right when everything seemed fine, and it seemed like I’d managed to avoid the crisis, Eric pulls out his Supra Key, which is the little device realtors use to open the lockbox on the front of homes that are for sale, to get the key out, because you need a KEY, to open a DOOR! Eric has one, because he’s supposedly a realtor. This isn’t why I picked him of course, but it was a bonus, because then we didn’t have to try to borrow one, and we obviously couldn’t just steal Jennifer’s… SO, I start his Supra Key, and some error pops up that says “CLOCK ERROR BLAH BLAH”… Strange but true. So I try not to panic, and Eric assures me that it just needs to be updated. So we call the update service, listen to the slowest automated voice of all time, read off 8,000 numbers to me that I have to punch into the supra, and finally finish, and the supra display says “Successful!”. Oh REALLY supra? So when I press enter, you won’t immediately spit another clock error into my face? (It did. THREE times.) You might even say that going through that process THREE times took the rest of the trip to the house, because I received the final clock error just as we were pulling up to the house. So I tell Eric to turn down a side road so we can hide the truck around the corner in the trees, so he does, and goes about six houses before he stops and remembers to let me out at the house. So I get out with the ring, the supra key, the champaign and the glasses, and run six house lengths back up the road (They are large houses, and plenty spread out.) while Eric goes to hide the truck. So after probably startling a few neighbors, I arrive at the door step, and try one more time to trick the supra key into doing what I want, but apparently when there is a clock error, a supra key will focus on it until it dies (which it almost did in that moment… death by smashing) So I finally let myself accept the truth that we aren’t getting into this house, at least not without a little door or window damage, which I wasn’t willing to try after spending all kinds of money on a ring and surprise party (patience).
So at that time, I saw Eric in the distance running past the same houses, probably freaking out the same neighbors… and having finally conceded defeat, I decided to try to just set up the video camera and tripod outside (Oh did I not mention I was carrying those too?). So I ran and stashed everything in a corner by the back door, and ran back and handed off the supra key to Eric as he ran up (For some reason Eric remained strangely confident that they supra key would work if we just kept updating it). So he continued to the front door to work on it, while I took the rest of his camera equipment to the back door and started setting up the tripod. I told him to keep watch down the road for her so he could abort and run around to the back of the house if he spotted her flying up the road before he could get inside (she drives fast). However, he couldn’t have done a very good job of this, because I only had time to pull the tripod out of the bag, and peek out around the corner, before I saw her car already halfway down the road coming right for us. So I yelled “abort!” or something similiar, and ran to the back door and threw everything back in the corner, then took up a hiding place behind a corner of the house, halfway up the driveway. Meanwhile, like 20 seconds later, Eric comes walking by my hiding spot quite briskly (I say “briskly” because it’s definitely the best description) and mouths “she’s here” as he walks by. So in my head I’m like “Oh thanks Eric! Does ‘abort’ mean ANYTHING to you!?”
So she comes driving up right beside me, but about 2 feet short of seeing me around my little corner, so I look over to see what Eric came up with, and apparently it was to pull some kind of ninja ostrich move, and duck his head down into the little 4×3 ft cubby hole by the back door where all of the equipment was. So basically 90% of Eric’s body is sticking out in the open (maybe 80% cause he has a big head), but it wasn’t enough for Jennifer to recognize him, because the next thing I hear is her car door open, and her say “Can I help you??” So about this time I finally decide, well this still has to go down, because there’s no explaining this away, so I just step out from my hiding spot (apparently just in time because she was about to screech out of there to avoid getting attacked by these strange men with no cars in sight, and lots of video equipment). Well, as soon as she sees me she goes from being really scared, to being really confused, with maybe a little hint of annoyance. So she’s like “What? What are you doing here?”. Which by that time I’d made my way over to her car, where she’s still halfway sitting in the seat with her hand ready to shift in reverse, and I knelt down and … Stay tuned for Part 3!
Jk, I wrote more right here, you could clearly see it so calm down!
Anyway, first I said “What do you think I’m doing!” And she was seriously so confused, she just kept switching between telling me she thought she was getting attacked, and asking what I was doing there, so I knelt down, and I said something like, “Well, I know it’s taken a little longer than you wanted, and this definitely wasn’t how I expected it to happen, but I’m asking you to marry me!” So she kind of made a face like she didn’t believe me, but didn’t want to show it, yet she said “Whatever… no you’re not” (Although she was already smiling all big). So I was like ”Oh no?” and reached back and pulled out the box, and opened it up… and the ring fell out onto the ground! So there I am, kneeling in the wet driveway, my scared and confused girlfriend looking at me with a weird look on her face, and the stupid ring falls in the stupid water because it came loose during my marathon run from Eric’s truck. So I picked it up and gave it to her, and the whole time she’s just looking around, shaking her head, confused as ever, all the while slowly putting the ring on her finger and looking at it there. So apparently she finally had enough proof, and I was like… “Well is there anything you have the urge to say?” So she was like “Yes!” and we hugged and kissed, and Eric took pictures through the car window from his ostrich corner (which actually looked pretty good because of Eric’s nice camera). You can find those at www.jacobandjen.com which will actually be the official website once I build it but for now I just threw up the background so you could look at the pictures. If the link goes down let me know because I’m transferring that domain and it could finalize any time.
Anyway, what I said to her at the car was probably a little different, but either I don’t remember, or I don’t want peeps knowing what I said specifically ok! Anyway, stay tuned for Part 3, which will be about her ring and surprise party… Dun dun dun…
Thanks love you guys!
P.S. There are also a couple pictures of the surprise party, where I was telling the story in person, and definitely made my mom, Melinda, and a couple other ladies cry. (Not to mention Matt, who cried more than everyone else combined! Bam! (I don’t know)
Ok so if you haven’t already heard, I got engaged this weekend, and long story short… everthing went wrong. Well almost everything. I was pretty mad about it at first, but it turns out a funny story will be better than a boring romantic story that went as planned, so here’s how it all went down:
Plan A - My original plan was to get Jennifer to go play golf with me one lovely Saturday afternoon, and have Eric go out ahead of us and hide the ring in the hole on hole #5 (you don’t need to know that, the important part is that hole 5 has a bathroom shack next to the green). Then Eric was going to run back to the bathroom shack for cover, and take pictures of us as it unfolded. I was basically going to have to make sure Jennifer got her own ball out of the hole for a change, so she would find the ring, and turn around to find me on my knee, etc. etc. while Eric snaps pictures secretly from a distance. Anyway, then we could go get cleaned up and head to her surprise birthday party I had planned (you’ll see later).
Pros: The idea is pretty romantic, surprising, and of course, golf-themed which is always awesome. Also Eric would be able to get a lot of candid pictures until Jennifer spotted the peeping-tom Eric over by the bathrooms.
Cons: The whole idea is very uncontrolled and dependent on the weather, and even if that works out, she could be called away at any time to go show property. Also, Eric the albatross isn’t small enough, or sneaky enough (calm down) to be certain he could go undetected during any of his responsibilities. Last and possibly least, it would have ended badly if Eric was arrested for being that pervert hanging around golf course bathrooms with a camera. We’ve all been there.
Plan B - My second plan, when I discovered the weather was probably not going to cooperate, was to hide a series of notes in several places, and send Jennifer on a wild goose chase throughout the subdivision, from her house, to my condo, to the clubhouse, tennis courts, etc. Basically just get her out of her house long enough for me to create some kind of romantic setting there and eventually lead her back to the original location and propose. Then from there we head to her Surprise party ( I said you will see later! )
Pros: It’s another cute, romantic idea. It’s a more controlled plan, not really dependent on the weather, and it would make a fun little story I guess.
Cons: Again, Jennifer could schedule a showing during that time, and I wouldn’t be able to tell her to keep that time available without letting her know that something was up. On top of that, as soon as she started following these hidden notes to each location, she would know something was going on, and I could only hope she thought it was something else and was still surprised when it was a proposal.
Plan C (Plan A) - Keeping all of those things in mind, I decided that the only way I could assure that Jennifer would be in a certain place, at a certain time, was to schedule my own showing on one of her listings! Not me of course, but I AM the Director of Technology (no big deal) so I can create a fake person, and send in a lead from that person and know that it will be routed to Jennifer. Then when she shows up at the house to open it up, I’m hiding inside with some champaign, maybe a ring or two, and of course Eric hiding in a corner somewhere snapping pictures of the whole thing. Oh and a video camera set up somewhere, because let’s face it, this is 2009, and people expect video.
Pros: Well obviously the main reason for creating this idea is the best part, so that she can’t schedule something else during this time, yet she doesn’t know it’s me and I don’t have to tell her to keep a time available which would make it obvious that something was up. Also it’s pretty romantic if I do it right, and it’s the most controlled plan out of all of my ideas, because nothing can possibly go wrong!
Cons: Apparently everything can go wrong.
So obviously I used Plan C! (It turned into my Plan A, because I liked it more than the other ideas once I thought of it) So Becky Lancaster (firstname.lastname@example.org) from Fort Worth, Texas requested a showing for one of Jennifer’s listings on Tuesday or so, and the lead came through to Jennifer. Then Becky and Jennifer talked back and forth all week establishing their plans to meet at the house Saturday at 5:30 p.m. You know, because Becky had a baby shower to attend until that time, and couldn’t go earlier like Jennifer was requesting… (Also because Jennifer needed to go to a surprise party from there as close to that time as possible).
So now you know what was supposed to happen… but stay tuned for Part 2, where I will tell you the story of what ACTUALLY happened.
P.S. For those of you who didn’t understand, and you know who you are, Beckly Lancaster isn’t a real person. I created the a fake email address and talked back and forth to Jennifer the whole time, and told her that Becky’s husband couldn’t make it but that they would both be back down in a couple weeks, etc. She never suspected a thing.
Ok, so this blog has been live for literally tens of days now, and I have been very careful to stay true to my word. Not that I often accidently post pictures of babies in random blogs against my will when I’m not looking, but either way, I haven’t let any baby pictures show their little faces on my blog yet…
So say what you want to say, but sometimes babies are just so cute for school. Or too young is more like it. Maybe like, daycare school? You know, where they teach them how to use sign language or whatever? I don’t know. Too cute… to boot? Like to kick… out of somewhere? Yeah… this has gone too far.
Now, I realize it was probably more than obvious from the beginning that you really weren’t going to see babies. It just seems hard coming up with real life blogs! I really just wanted to make a joke about my diligent lack of baby pictures, and that’s the best I could come up with, so I almost didn’t do it but the pictures really were pretty cute! Except that freaky bird… what is that thing going to be??
Anyway so obviously I was trying to type enough to space it down so that the pictures wouldn’t be visible on most screens but most likely that didn’t work either. At least it explains the extra 5 lines of verbage that were not at all funny
In any case, these don’t count as babies, so don’t even try it. They aren’t even called babies, they’re called puppies, and cubs, and bunnies, and… devil bird offspring… etc. Yes I chose to say etc. intead of the technical term for a baby monkey. Which everyone knows is a … brine schrimp larva. Wait what? Ok that’s what baby sea-monkies are called… Fine it’s called a baby, or an infant… I can’t really tell how old that one is, but what I can tell, is he is definitely old enough to be called an infant. Wow, so the moral of this story is… I should never have started another blog.
In the bible, you often read about Jesus and his disciples driving demons out of people, and the aspect of people being possessed by demons in general, which has always peaked my interest, and I can’t help but wonder whether or not the same thing happens in our world today in such a literal fashion. I think my curiousity has a lot to do with my fascination with movies or stories about spiritual warfare, where there is an actual physical war going on behind the scenes with the people fighting people, or angels fighting angels, or people fighting demons, etc.
I really think the idea of fighting in a physical war against Satan and his angels, and having measurable results is more appealing to me than just fighting a war with myself and my own temptations. Which, when you think about it, of course it is easier when we are fully aware that we are under attack in the moment, and can do something about it right then. However, that is seldom the case, and in order to win we have to arm ourselves with the tools to nip Satan/temptation/etc. in the bud (bud?) before it creeps up on us and gains ground.
Anyway, back to the point. Are there cases in today’s society where demons use the same tactics we read about in Luke and Mark? Have we ever met someone who was possessed by a demon, and we just thought they were weird? Or more likely someone in a mental institution? I have trouble thinking so, but who knows? I read an article that made the observation that there was so much demonic activity during the time of Jesus, and the writer noted that when Jesus was born, the war between good and evil, heaven and hell, God and Satan, etc., had escalated. Satan knew he was going to be defeated, but he still did everything in his power to keep Jesus from making it to the cross.
Which brings me back to my point. In today’s society most people would agree that the world as a whole has been steadily moving in a direction of indifference, and the amount of evil, demonic activity and sinful behavior is on the rise, which is very likely because the war between heaven and hell is coming to a climax and Satan is doing everything he can again to get between us and God. Does this mean that we could start seeing more evident signs of demons in our world very soon, or that we already should be? I honestly don’t know and plan to do some more research on the subject, but please feel free to comment if you have done the research, or if you disagree, etc. Just let me know cause I’m genuinely curious about what people think about it!
P.S. I tried to find a picture for like an HOUR that didn’t make my blog look like some kind of anime fan site… I failed.
Ok so I have been trying to sell a diamond ring on ebay and craigslist for like the last two months. Craigslist was a total bust, because I received about 8 scam attempts in the first three days. Then my first attempt on ebay was obnoxious because some idiot, who was probably attempting to scam me, used the “Buy it Now” for full price, and I never heard from them again. So basically I had to wait two weeks before I could report the item unpaid, then another 9 days before I could close the case because the buyer STILL hadn’t responded in any way to ebay or myself… During which I can’t be doing what I set out to do which is sell the RING. Anyway this morning I had an email saying I had a question from an Ebay user about my listing. The question was as follows:
gift. Please email me the final price including shipping to Spain via
FedEx 3 Days Express. For payment I prefer to use an escrow service that protects both buyer and seller against fraud. I will pay the shipping and escrow fees. If we agree on the price, we can start the escrow process today and you can have the money in a few days.
Which, due to my months of practice, keen eye for scams, and lack of retarded tendencies, I replied with the following:
No, you are a scam. (This is actually similiar to my reaction each time, if I actually bother to reply)
So you would assume the person would see that and be like oh crap, and move along, or delete their account, etc. However, this idiot didn’t even read the reply, they simply saw that they had one, and went on with their scam:
I’m very glad that the item is still available! (Is that what I said?)
First of all I want to apologize for my english and for my late answer, I was out of town with some business. (Yeah your answer was so “late”, I waited hours for it)
I decided to buy your item so please tell me if it`s necesarry to bid on it.
Like I said you in my first email I want you to ship it via FedEx International Priority (3 days or so) because I need it fast.
Blah blah blah, they always need it fast, they are almost always in another country, they never speak very good english, or ironically, the only ones that speak english fine, apologize for it. In any case, I just thought it was funny that I got another response despite my answer.
Anyway, the person’s email address is email@example.com which is interesting because those are paid accounts, unless they just open trials all the time and discard the email address when one of their scams finally works… Otherwise, their ebay name is luidarteee and he/she referred to her/himself as Fabian.
Not sure what the point of posting this was, but maybe you will recognize a scam, because if they haven’t gone anywhere yet, they are gonna be around for a while.
This is a fake news video by The Onion which apparently has a youtube network, along with their local publications, etc. In any case this was a brilliant idea. I guess the only thing to do now is start the Montgomery County ninja chapter. It’s a standard ninja duty in today’s society.
Ok I have been sitting at home the last couple days recovering from having six teeth removed (4 wisdom teeth and 2 molars) and I thought while I’m doing nothing, I might as well write a blog, since I apparently haven’t posted one in about a year and a half according to when I logged in a second ago…
Anyway I decided to write about something nerdy like the new mac pro options from Apple, and how ridiculous the changes are, but just now I decided to choose one ridiculous point at a time and turn them into “parts” (ex. 1, 2, etc.)
As usual, Apple’s ridiculous memory prices stand out the most… Now you might look at those prices and think they are a little too high (or you might have no idea what they mean), but they are actually much lower than the last mac pro, well, as long as you don’t want to upgrade to 32gb… Wow.
This just goes to show the kind of forward, new age thinking that Apple marketing employs… I mean, most companies try safe, simple techniques like, “buy one get one free”, or “two for the price of one” (same thing)… but apple says, we will sell you one for the price of one, but if you want two… well you can have two for the price of eleven. Do the math.
I mean, imagine if I built websites (which I do) and I offered to build you one website for the price of $1,000 (which I would). Then you asked me how much I would charge you to build two websites, and I said $15,000 “straight up” (that’s how I talk when I’m doing business)… To which you would say, “Where did you even come up with such a ridiculous number?” or “Did you just say straight up?”
Anyway, you get the point, I use parenthesis way too often.
(This was a pretty pathetic return to blogging, but I’m still hopped up on wisdom teeth drugs!)
Ok so today I almost got struck by lightning… in a fairly round-about manner.
I was up on a ladder running all the audio/video wires in our training room while teaching a class. (Hey I have been meaning to do that for a while now and I decided to kill two birds with one stone! Plus I hate birds, and I love stones.)
So anyway, at the very moment that I plugged the power cable into the ceiling mounted outlet, there was a huge bang, a bright flash next to my face and lots of screaming and gasping, because lightning had just struck the building. So luckily, I had just pulled my hand away within a second of the lightning’s attempt on my life! Then Jennifer told me that she felt a shock through her laptop’s keyboard, and the lights in my bosses office had shattered from the surge, and the receptionist’s monitor is now only showing red and not green and blue.
None of that matters however, because I avoided certain death by mere… half seconds! Maybe two at the most. MAYBE. Better luck next time, nature.
Ok, this is my story about how I almost attacked my sister in a fit of rage.
So the other night, I got home around midnight after hanging out with some friends. My sister’s car was in the driveway, and all the lights were out in the house, and everyone was asleep… or so I thought. So I go in, take a shower, watch a little tv, and then go to bed.
2:30 rolls around, and I wake up to a loud noise in my living room. I wasn’t really sure what it was, because I was asleep when I heard it, but I knew it was loud enough to violently wake me up. So I sit up, and immediately start hearing all kinds of noises. It sounded like several people shuffling all over the place in the living room and the hall. I swear I even heard whispering. Lots of frantic whispering. That’s what I heard… and I’m not that crazy.
Anyway, I am like oh wow! we are being robbed! So I listen for a little while until I am literally convinced beyond any doubt that there are at least three people, maybe more, running around my house with guns and knives just grabbing as much as they can as fast as they can… This is the image I have in my head.
So I get up and go to the end of my bed, close to the door, and, I’m not embarrassed to say, I acquire some kind of crazy… ninja, pouncing stance… and aim myself right at the door. (Hence the picture of something equally deadly and ready to attack.) So I listen a little more and I keep hearing sounds but I can’t make them out, and I’m not there for very long before I hear the bathroom door open in my hallway. So of course, I take advantage of the noise and open my own door at the same moment (as any trained assassin knows to do). Well as soon as my door opens I see the bathroom door close, and I look over to see the door to my sister’s room is open.
Now… I know what you’re thinking… and No, I did not think that a group of burglars ran throughout the house, and then went in my sister’s room and kidnapped her and they all met back up at the rendezvous point… the bathroom.
No, this was when I realized that there were no burglars, and that my weird sister had gotten up at 2:30 in the morning to make a lot of strange noises and then take a shower. It certainly wouldn’t be the first time. (Also, those of you that think you’re smart because you knew it would be her the whole time? You’re not, I literally gave it away like three times already. It’s an attention grabber!)
So now you’re saying, “Well at no point during that story did you almost attack your sister in a fit of rage, Jacob.” Well that’s where you are wrong. It’s ok, I didn’t realize it yet either.
Now, you should know, that all of the excitement in the story has already been told by now, so i hope you’re not expecting some kind of big finale. However, the next morning when I informed Emily of the distress she had caused with her crazy antics… she tells me that she didn’t get up to shower, but that she was just getting home at 2:30, when someone dropped her off… so at least she wasn’t sleep showering. But then she goes on to tell me that she was “this” close to coming into my room right then to check something on my computer. (when she said it, she spread her fingers apart, just so) Trust me, she made it seem pretty close.
So to remind you… there I was, standing behind the door, ready to attack, my imagination running away with me, guns, knives, etc… just waiting for someone to come peeking into my room so I could smash their little head in with the door, steal their gun/knife, and try to take the rest down while they were still caught by surprise to see me charging them all in my scrub bottoms. (They are very comfortable and nice, don’t judge me.)
So now imagine Emily opening my door nice and slowly and peeking her head in to avoid waking me up… Do the math people! I know… there isn’t even math involved, but do the math!